Anyway continuing the dating theme and following on from previous posts on online dating profiles I thought I'd hunt out the female perspective on things. Specifically what they look for when browsing though adds and what stands out.
So first up we have a friend of a friend, Anna
"First, without being shallow their profile pic. I like well presented man that looks after his appearance, and if it they look comfortable. Shows self confidence. The name they call themselves, there are some funny one's, I stay clear from the ones that say Sexy, god, anything that gives a hint that they might love themselves is a no go or if it insinuates that they might not be confident or fed up with life. No thanks!!...and next Tara
Then in the text bit, must have interest's, know what they want, a job that they enjoy, like to laugh, hopefully like to dance,must be into music. Maybe a bit cheeky. Enjoys talking, and actually is looking for something that will develop rather than "the one".
I am looking for a relationship but want one that develops naturally I suppose rather than looking for one and hoping that is what I will get, just leads to disappointment lol"
Number one priority: The picture. I think they all have pictures on match.com. It's not about someone being super duper looking. It's about him looking healthy, friendly, in reasonably good shape - and not having that "I will massacre you and your loved ones if the date is a failure" look about him. Also, if a guy has pictures of him involved in some sporting activity...big plus. A picture of him with kids (his own, if he's separated, or nieces and nephews) gives the warm fuzzies. A picture of him with a dog - ditto. As long as it's not a picture of him sporting a skinhead, a load of tattoos and nuzzling into the neck of a pitbull...though I suppose there will be a female market for that kind of guy as much as any other.From what Anna and Tara have written there are a few common themes and these can be distilled down to a few key tips:-
As far as what he's got to say for himself goes....I must admit that when I'm looking at these dating profiles, the pictures are the most interesting part and I skim through the other stuff. However, I suppose if I were looking seriously I'd pay more attention.
I would say it's probably a good idea to avoid trying too hard for the "I'm different from the other guys" angle. I've had a few whackos send me friend requests on facebook, armed with that "hey baby, I'm that bad boy your mother always warned you about" approach. It's disconcerting, creepy and makes them come across like clueless gimps who are going through the friends lists of friends of friends of friends, and spamming all the women.
Someone who comes across as a sane, normal and reasonable kind of guy is probably going to be far more appealing to most women than Mr Whacky whose profile was put together by a friend who works in the media. It may seem boring, but if you put in a nice picture and create a friendly sounding spiel about yourself then I think it's far more likely that women will make an approach.
Tip Number 1 - Use good photos...It shows your not hiding anything and if you include activities, animals and kids then you're onto a winner.
Tip Number 2 - Profile Name... keep it simple straight forward and not a place to advertise your sexual prowess. Again you profile name should tie into your interests and things that differentiate you from the crowd.
Tip Number 3 - Positivity... no one really likes a misery, do they? So make sure you profile is up beat, engaging and talks in a positive way about you and your life. You are creating an impression of someone with a great personality who is confident and has direction so talk in those terms and avoid language that would portray you as desperate or lacking confidence...
Here's an example
"I can't believe I'm doing this, but here goes. My friends would tell you I'm an easy going, funny guy who likes to have fun."On a first read you might think yeah good an honest funny guy who likes to have fun....mmmmm
- point 1 - "I can't believe I'm doing this" = I'm so desperate (by my own standards) that I've finally had to resort to online dating.
- point 2 "...but here goes." = I'm really not comfortable doing this and I'm a bit self concious.
- point 3 "..funny guy who likes to have fun" = I can't really articulate what I like doing in life...but it's fun
Tip Number 4 - Don't brag... if you are a tanned adonis, heir to a fortune, talented nose flute player keep it to yourself. If you are genuinely great in an area of your life it is far better to be understated about it than shouting it to the world. You run the risk of coming across as 'loving yourself too much' or just fake.
Tip Number 5 - don't lie - keep it real!
Tip Number 6 - Show, Don't Tell...use words to paint a picture as opposed to merely blurting out uninspiring facts about yourself. You may be thinking, "Well, that's pretty obvious. Tell me something I don't already know." But if you spend some time reading a few online dating profiles, you'll find that many guys miss this opportunity. Just by taking this step, you'll stand out from the competition.
Don't just tell women, "My friends would tell you I'm a funny guy." Why should they believe your friends? Maybe your friends are morons. Instead, why don't you actually write something funny? Show them what your sense of humor is like (in ways that women will find entertaining—not your buddies).
Don't just write, "I like to cook." Paint a picture with words. Describe some of the dishes that are your specialties with mouth-watering detail.
Tip Number 7 - Get feedback! Honestly the best way to write a killer profile is to get people's views on it.
Many dating sites have forums...be brave post a link to you profile and ask for feedback. There are a lot of people who'll be happy to help you out.
There you go for this weekend.
Next week I'll be looking at sending that first message... what to include and what not to include.